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Here you are, several months or years later and you find that getting through life one day at a time comes with many challenges. You recognize that your spouse or partner, who once fulfilled your every need, just can’t give that to you anymore. This is a normal happening in long-term relationships. It is unrealistic to expect that one person can make all the sadness and discomfort that you feel disappear. When we are falling in love, we get spoiled because it feels as if that is exactly what is going on. However, the reality is that no one has the power to change your feelings. Your feelings exist independently what anyone says or does.
After the honeymoon period, most couples will experience some difficult times or even a traumatic event at some point. You might have to deal with a serious health issue, experience death or loss, or go through periods of financial uncertainty. Some challenges seem more mundane but are still very stressful. Couples sometimes disagree on parenting strategies or managing household money. Whether you are dealing with everyday hassles or a major trauma, both can have a negative effect on a couple’s ability to communicate with each other.
Couples therapy
Are you and your significant other struggling with communication?
Are you worried about the future of your relationship? Do you find that you and your spouse or partner are fighting more often? Maybe you’re finding that the two of you are drifting apart and unable to feel connected. If your relationship seems to be defined by arguments or avoidance of each other, you may have a problem with communication.
When couples develop difficulty communicating their needs and opinions, it can lead to a sense of aloneness or isolation. Sometimes it can feel like no matter what point you are trying to make, it never seems to make an impact. Do you ever feel that your spouse never listens to you, or just tunes you out when you’re speaking? It can feel very painful and overwhelming to realize that your relationship is suffering. If you can relate to this, it may be time to consider couples therapy.
Falling in love feels so easy…
Can you remember when you were first falling in love with your partner? Every second of your time together felt wonderful. It seemed as if this other person could fill every need and void that you had in life. You are so in love that the two of you decide to get married and commit to each other for the rest of your lives. It seemed like the natural and obvious next step to take with each other.
The two of you announce your engagement to friends and family. With all the congratulations and well wishes, there invariably comes some advice on how to get through the tough times. How often did you hear these statements?
"Never go to bed angry”
“Happy wife, happy life”
“For better or for worse”
“Marriage is hard work”
Early in your relationship, it seemed impossible to imagine that you would ever consider marriage counseling. Everything in the relationship seemed blissful. This well-intentioned advice from your friends and family just didn’t seem to apply to you.
But staying together is not so easy…
Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean
Poor communication will often lead to a lack of connection or mistrust within the relationship. In my experience, when couples have difficulty getting their message across, it is usually because it is not being delivered in the right way. Poor communication often looks like arguing or fighting. It can also result in avoidance and not speaking at all to each other. Either way, both of you end up feeling hurt, alone and unsupported.
The good news is that this pattern can be reversed. The therapists at Triangle Cognitive Therapy will help both of you to feel safe to express your needs and feelings to each other. Sometimes its hard to identify why communication has become such a problem. Couples therapy will help you figure out why and how the communication is breaking down. Finally, we will develop tools and strategies to improve your ability to send and receive messages to each other.
Can couples therapy make things worse?
Building new communication skills with your partner is not easy to achieve. It takes time and sometimes mistakes are made. Occasionally, statements will be made that are misunderstood and perceived as hurtful. Also, once you are better able to send your messages to each other, some of the underlying issues may start to emerge. It can make you wonder if therapy is making your relationship worse.
Even though you may initially experience some terrible feelings, couples therapy will improve your relationship. In many ways its like strengthening a muscle. Imagine that you’ve decided to start lifting weights at the gym. After the first few workouts, you are probably going to feel pretty sore. Those who are able to push through that pain and continue working out, start to see positive changes. Couples therapy is the workout that builds strength in your communication and in your relationship.
But our schedule is too busy to commit to Relationship therapy
Most of us lead very busy lives. You are juggling numerous responsibilities and therapy will only add to that schedule. We believe that therapy works best when meetings are consistently scheduled weekly. Yes, this is a big time commitment. Think of therapy as the tool that strengthens the foundation of your relationship. Your time in couples therapy is the investment that will help you feel stronger individually and together. This will ultimately allow you to grow and move forward in life together.
Are you growing apart?
Are you concerned that you and your partner are growing apart? Are you feeling overwhelmed by your problems? Our therapists at Triangle Cognitive Therapy will help you with your marriage or long-term relationship and strengthen you as a couple.
